how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
