I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I looked at my own cervix.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
