I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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