you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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