he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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