I cockslap morals
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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