I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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