so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
