I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
