Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
