1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
