What a fucking waste of an outfit
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
