Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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