Welp...herpes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
