I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
