if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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