he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He felt like a one man threesome
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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