We're facebook friends in real life
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
