i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
