okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
