I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
