NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
