ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
