end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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