Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
