I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
