Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
