The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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