What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
