I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
