he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
