You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
