im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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