What did we do last night that was yellow?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
