this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
