hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
