omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
