I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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