i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Randomize
