Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
