Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
