I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
