My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
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I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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