OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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