the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
