looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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