so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
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Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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