how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
His nipple licking is glorious
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