I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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