Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
