My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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