maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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