I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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