I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
