i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
