Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
