Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
