I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Less talking, more tequila
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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