At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
what the fuck happened to the tacos
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
