a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
