The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
