Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
