He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
