I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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