i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
