Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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