i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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