watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
