just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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