His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
birth control should be required to get into college
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
